CALLING BULLSHIT II

COMMERCIAL BULLSHIT

Whatever you do, don’t fall for these “No Risk” trials. You’ll find there IS a risk – let’s say you love the product. It takes you about 20 days to use up the 15-day trial’s worth of sample. Should you go to order yourself some more, you’ll find you’ve already been billed for 30 days’ more worth, which is in the mail. Now if you have plenty of money to throw around, that’s fine. If you don’t, it could be a disaster. And until you cancel your “automatic subscription” (which was part of the fine print on the “risk-free” trial), you’ll keep getting charged, whether you’re out of product at the time or not, whether you want it or not, whether you can afford it or not.

Let’s say you DON’T love the product. It takes you about 5 minutes to realize you in fact HATE it. Now you must act quickly, as though you had no other obligations, because you must return the product within the 15 days so as not to be billed for the next installment. You’ll probably get return instructions from the company, telling you in very exacting terms when and where and how you will mail this return. From the package you can clearly see that shipping the package to you only cost $.99, but you find that cleaving to their returns policy, it’ll cost you $6.99 or more to return this 3-ounce container. If you’re trying to return a home gym – I can’t even imagine what the charge might be. Now, don’t miss the deadline, because if you do, you’ll find you’ve been charged for a one-month (not a 15-day) supply, and also for the next month’s order.

So “No Risk” is quite a relative term, and good luck trying to get some customer service from people who keep useless business hours and put you on a telephone carousel semi-permanently (it may be permanent, I’ve never waited it out). I’d say there’s a risk.

Also, listen (or read) carefully. This new miracle diet drug might have fine print that says “with proper diet and exercise,” and unless you’re able to provide them with a log of your food intake and calorie outgo, they may not be obligated to live up to their claims. It’s not false advertising, so long as they’re slipped in the “diet and exercise” clause. And the truth is, if you use proper diet and exercise, you don’t need their product.

As for anti-aging claims, (watch for that “proper diet and exercise” clause) please – those before and after photos – I mean, watch the final scene of Jurassic Park – special effects experts can make Queen Elizabeth look like a velociraptor for heaven’s sake. Of course the earnest user (who is a well-paid actor) will look better – they could make him or her look like anything. A teapot. No matter how much their story sounds like your own, remember; they’re trying to sell you something.

You may think you’re protected by laws that forbid false advertising, but are you prepared to sue? Because it takes a court case to enforce your rights. Can you afford a lawyer, and even if you can, do you WANT to hire one? Advertisers COUNT on your reluctance or inability to sue. Why buy a thing on television anyway, when you know they’ve made it look much nicer than it is and gurgled on about the quality (as they are well-paid to do)? If you must buy a diamond ring, try a jeweler; they’ll treat you like royalty, and you'll be able to see and touch what you're getting BEFORE you buy it.

NOTE: Thanks today to Morgan for the great link: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/09/30/first.blasphemy.day/