THOUGHTS ON PTSD

Okay, I know bad things have happened. Very bad things. You-wish-you-were-never-born things. Things which make the idea of living forever the ultimate horror. And even though the arrow of time moves us steadily away from the things, they never stop hounding us. They keep coming back and stabbing us. You forget about the things for a moment, or a month or a year, but they’ll be back.

When people tell you to never look back, and to stay on the path, this is wisdom! It means; keep busy, don’t ever remember the things. Maybe you can get by for a while on “Jesus saved me,” but as soon as you stop for a breath or something reminds you, then time has no meaning; you’re there again.

Something hurts you, it’s okay, you’re fine, you’re strong. Something hurts you again, that’s okay, but one day one too many things hurt you at once, and there they are again; the things; they’ve ganged up together with present troubles. Then everything is ugly. Even the best of things you’ve done and seen and found and been since then turn sour, like roses wilting before your eyes and putting out a whiff of sewage. You might keep smiling, or you might curl up in a ball, it doesn’t matter what you do – the things are back. It doesn’t matter how strong you are, how brave, how kind; the ambush was already set when the things happened the first time.

Don’t get the idea that maybe you should explore the issues further, re-examine the things, dig around in them deeper; that way is a one-way spiral staircase going down, into the deepest dark in the universe. Hold the handrail, let the tears pass, keep moving on, keep aiming up. Don’t let the old things gang up with the new things to make even more things!

When the things come, let them pass over you. See them, and let them just go by. Yes, there that thing is again, and it still hurts, but don’t grab hold of it, and don’t let it grab hold of you; let it pass. Present troubles are unrelated and will gradually shrink to their real size, just keep your head down until then. It’s easier to go under a big wave than fight your way through the storm. Just duck down where it’s calm and wait; it’ll pass. Then, begin again. Keep busy, don’t look back, stay on the path upward.


The thought that hope is the cruelest of all things – a thought only the PTSC sufferer has

It’s as if you were getting ready for a family barbeque, carving a watermelon, monitoring the fruit for mojitos, and the doorbell rings, and it’s Satan. Everything stops. Time stops, the family disappears, the mojitos turn to mold, the watermelon fills with maggots. But no, none of that happens, it only FEELS like It does. The family is still waiting for dinner.