WHAT THE HELL?

ATHEISTS UNITE

Christians are proving themselves to have lower morals, less education, more exposure to Fox News, and a startling number of guns. They believe that if they have enough faith they can safely handle poisonous snakes. Unfortunately, although this is untrue, it’s taking far too long to rid the world of Christians that way. Since they believe all sins are forgiven, they put themselves in dangerous, illicit situations, and while this results in humiliation and possible injury, far too few die of it. They repeatedly sell everything and sit on mountaintops waiting for the world to end. But again, waiting for them to die of exposure is taking too long. It seems like the only solution to these problems is to give them higher incomes, better educations, and profound lessons in both morality and empathy. Obviously, Fox News has to go. Keep quoting the parts of the Bible they ignore – in fact try to get them to read the damned thing, try to keep them in school, but how can you teach morals and empathy? They say they get these things from their god, but he must be very frugal in handing them out!

Republicans are statistically-shown to have lower income, minimal education, lower moral standards, and again, a maximum number of guns. Republicans believe that white people are superior based on a complete lack of evidence, empathy or morals. They need better income, better education, but again, how to teach them empathy and morals?